Welcome to MTV’s Week In Goss, people – the ultimate hot spot for naughty, juicy and strange celeb stories from the past seven days.

ROBERT PATTINSON’S “ASS CRACK”




The world of goss has been dominated this week by the beauteous Mr Fangsome. But pity, poor Patz. He’s just an unassuming lad riddled with insecurities just like the rest of us.

Check this out this little titbit, or should we say, bumbit: “I’m unbearably self-conscious about stuff,” he ‘fessed to Vanity Fair. To the point he’s terrified of? “My ass crack is showing [in front of paps].”

Hmm, wouldn’t be such a bum deal for those Robsessed amongst us.

RIHANNA & MIMI’S CAT FIGHT


You’d think with Rihanna turning up to Mariah’s Halloween party, she might say a “hi,” a “bye,” and maybe a “Ta, for the sausage rolls and stuff, Mimi.”

No chance.

Spies at the bash say Rih, dressed as a tiger, and Mi, dressed as an angel, shot each other daggers all night. Said the source: “It was Mariah's party, but Rihanna didn't want to be seen with her. And Mariah was not going over to greet Rihanna.”

Grr.

THIS LITTLE POSH WENT TO MARKET




David Beckham is a lucky swine.

Loving wife Vicky just bought him two micropigs – a designer breed of piggy which grows to a full-height of just 14 inches. Said a source: “Victoria initially called them David and Elton but, of course, her husband has the final say. David absolutely loves the piglets but is more keen on Pinky and Perky.

Ahh, there’s no snout about it, Posh loves her man.

ASHLEE: A COMPLETE BEYATCH?




Insiders on the set of Melrose Place explained Ash’s sacking telling Fox News: “Ashlee was kicked off because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members.” Meanwhile, in an American poll, 67% of viewers said they were glad she got sacked.

Big sister Jess waded in, Tweeting. “Catching up on MP (Melrose Place). Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and it got you some press.”

That’s really going to help.

BAD WEEK FOR FERGIE




Okay so you all heard about the clothes-shedding dancer who claims she sexed up Fergie’s hubby, Josh Duhamel. Josh denied it, but the woman won’t go away – much to Big Girl Fergie’s woe. She’s doing the media rounds and claimed: “Despite what he says we had lots of sex." Ouch.

MINI BRANDS FOR KATY PERRY?




Another couple apparently at it like rabbits are Katy Perry and her horny manbag, Russell Brand.

But watch out KP, the former lothario has his eye on your ovaries. “'She's lovely. I am living in a different way at the moment. Am I ready for babies? I am actually.”

SPENCER OFF HIS TITS




At least Spencer Pratt has the self-awareness to know the world doesn’t need baby Speidis just yet.

The blonde-bearded ‘Hills’ boy didn’t exactly look like new dad material on a visit to the Playboy mansion this week.

Said a source: “Spencer was clearly enjoying himself. He was drunk and getting a real eyeful.”

Pratt by name…

Rounding the Week In Goss up on an appropriate bum note, just check out what Sharon Osbourne had to say about poor, old Susan Boyle, here.

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